When we think about building strong, positive relationships—whether in the workplace, with family, or in our communities—a common piece of advice is to treat others how you’d like to be treated. While this is certainly a helpful guiding principle and works for a variety of overarching values like respecting dignity and being a good human, it misses one critical element, especially in communication: not everyone wants to be treated the same way.
As Dr. Tony Alessandra from Assessments 24×7 acknowledges, what if the key to stronger, more meaningful, and mutually-beneficial relationships lies in understanding how others want to be treated? With the powerful concepts explored in How Full is Your Bucket? by Tom Rath and Don Clifton, used in collaboration with DISC and the Platinum Rule®, there are some key winning strategies to help anyone do just that. By combining these frameworks, we can unlock more effective communication, foster deeper connections and create an environment where both individuals and teams thrive.
The Art & Science of Positive Interactions from How Full is Your Bucket?
How Full is Your Bucket? explores the concept of human interactions in terms of “bucket-filling” and “bucket-dipping.” Each of us carries an emotional “bucket” and “dipper,” and the interactions we have either fill our buckets or dip from them, while our dipper is used to fill others’ buckets or dip from them. When our buckets are full, we feel positive, energized, and motivated; when they are empty, we feel drained, discouraged, and unmotivated.
The idea is simple: our actions—whether it’s praise, encouragement, kindness, or even silence—can either fill someone’s bucket or take from it. Every day, we have the opportunity to either contribute positively to someone’s emotional wellbeing or diminish it. How Full is Your Bucket? shows us how small, positive actions can dramatically improve our relationships and our personal happiness.
But not all bucket-filling actions are the same for everyone. Just as we each have different preferences for how we’d like to be treated, we all respond differently to different kinds of positive reinforcement. This is where understanding someone’s DISC style, based on observable behavior and emotions, becomes integral.
Understanding Others to Improve Communication & Interaction with DISC
Each DISC style, Dominance, Influence, Steadiness, and Conscientiousness has different preferences for communicating and interacting, and understanding these preferences can help us know how best to fill their bucket.
- Dominance (D): People with a primary Dominance style are typically results-driven, confident, and assertive. They like challenges and to be in control of situations. They prefer direct communication, and showing respect for their competence and leadership is a great way to fill their bucket. Compliment their achievements or offer them opportunities to take charge and succeed.
- Influence (I): Those with a primary Influence style are usually social, enthusiastic, and love engaging with others. They thrive on praise, recognition, and affirmation. To fill their bucket, offer encouragement, express admiration for their enthusiasm, and interact with them in lively, upbeat conversations. Even a simple, “I love your energy!” or big smile can go a long way to add to their bucket.
- Steadiness (S): Individuals with the primary Steadiness style tend to be calm and supportive, and value stability and teamwork. They appreciate genuine, sincere praise and enjoy being part of a harmonious, cooperative group. To fill their bucket, offer encouragement in private and focus on their contributions to the team. Phrases like, “Your support and input means so much to everyone,” will likely resonate with them.
- Conscientiousness (C): People with a primary Conscientiousness style are likely to be detail-oriented, analytical, and strive for accuracy and quality in all things. They value structure, competence, and being respected for their knowledge. To fill their bucket, offer opportunities to share their feedback and recognize their attention to detail and precision. Acknowledging their thorough, meticulous work or systemic problem-solving skills will help fill their bucket.
Practical Application
So, how do we use all this information in a practical way?
The key is recognizing that what fills one person’s bucket might not work for another. Instead of assuming that everyone likes to be treated the way we do, we should strive to understand each person’s unique preferences. Paying attention to their behavioral and communication style, and adjusting our approach can ensure we are offering the right kind of interaction, support, recognition, or feedback that will be truly meaningful.
For example, imagine you have a team member who is primarily a Dominance style. While you may feel comfortable offering open praise or creating a fun, social celebration, they may prefer a straightforward acknowledgment of their accomplishments. They may be more energized by direct, results-oriented feedback. In contrast, someone with a Steadiness style might find a one-on-one, thoughtful conversation about how their actions help the team much more fulfilling than public praise.
When we actively seek to fill others’ buckets in ways that resonate with them, we not only contribute to their wellbeing, but also develop stronger, more productive relationships. Understanding a person’s DISC style and communication preferences can help you make more informed, intentional choices in your interactions. By combining the insights from How Full is Your Bucket? with The Platinum Rule® and DISC, anyone is equipped with tools to build more mutually-beneficial, effective interactions.
+1 (206) 400-6647
sales@assessments24x7.com
