Contributing author, Gregg Gregory, discusses the topic of keeping your composure during conflict. Keeping your composure is always rule number one. Do not ever tell anybody to “calm down” or “take a deep breath”. Instead, try to elicit these types of responses through your own actions. Cooler heads will prevail. But that’s only the beginning… Read Gregg’s advice on what you should do in these situations. Turn even the worst customer experiences that began in conflict into customer experiences that end in a sense of mutual relief, gratitude and happiness. That short term restraint will pay longterm dividends for yourself and your business!
Effective Teamwork and Conflict
Effective teamwork in the workplace is something I write quite a bit about because it gives team members and leaders a view of how great a team can be. Of course, real life tends to throw obstacles at our best-laid plans. And sure as the sun will rise, we will experience a conflict of one kind or another—whether between team members, a team leader or a customer. Dealing with this conflict is one of the most important teamwork skills we can develop.
A Case Study: Keeping Your Composure
Here is an example from my own career. Several years ago, I was part of a 12-person team that was responsible for producing events in different cities around the country. My responsibilities included arranging accommodations and making sure they were paid for appropriately. I would reserve a block of hotel rooms ahead of time, and these were directly billed to a master account. (Any incidental charges, like room service, would be billed to individual credit cards.)
Anyone who has traveled under this arrangement knows that billing to the master account has to be set up a day or two ahead of time so that appropriate authorizations can be made.
When we reached our hotel in Atlanta, bleary-eyed from being on the road for several days already, I went to the front desk to check us in only to be told that the hotel sales team had not communicated to them that a master account would be used for billing. That was a problem. Even worse, I knew that my executive director was coming in and that he had a mercurial temper.
Long story short, my executive director showed up before I could work out a solution with the hotel desk staff. Sure enough, he went ballistic.
That is where the hotel staff did something impressive, something I saw as a great example of conflict resolution. They retained their composure. They allowed my director to vent. They did not use the words “calm down.” (Never, ever tell someone to calm down—it does not calm them down in the least, and often escalates the situation.) And they worked with him to resolve the billing issue. We all had a room to sleep in that night.
Conflict is something that we all approach differently. We all have a vast array of different experiences, and this sometimes dictates how we cope.
Still, it is critical to know how to respond in conflict situations, by keeping your composure.
In my book, “One Team, One Dream,” I go into detail about how to recognize and respond to conflict. That includes a self-assessment of your own conflict management style, which will help you to recognize how you most often deal with conflict and solve problems. I outline five major styles of conflict management, each of which has their pros and cons. I also detail the three stages of conflict, with Stage 3 being the highest. (You can imagine what stage my executive director hit right away in the above tale.)
Ideally, no one wants to have serious disagreements with anyone—whether a co-worker or leader. There are ways to face and address conflicts at all three stages to manage and resolve them and keep everyone working smoothly together.
Why Composure is Key in Conflict Resolution
In any conflict, emotions can run high and tensions can quickly rise. During these times, keeping calm and practicing emotional intelligence in conflict resolution helps achieve a resolution that works for everyone. Composure means staying calm and level-headed, even in tough situations. It helps people think clearly and make good decisions, rather than acting on emotions.
10 Rules for Keeping Your Composure
- Pause and Breathe: To maintain your composure under pressure, pause and focus on breathing. Deep, slow breaths can calm your nerves and clear your mind.
- Listen Actively: Pay attention without interrupting. Show empathy and try to understand their view, which can reduce tension and encourage dialogue.
- Keep a Neutral Tone: Keep your voice calm and avoid raising it, even if others do. A steady tone can prevent conflict from growing.
- Stay Focused on the Issue: Focus on the problem, not the person. This helps find a solution rather than creating more issues.
- Use Positive Body Language: Maintain eye contact and open gestures to show openness and cooperation.
- Avoid Blame and Criticism: Express your feelings and needs without blaming. Use “I” statements to share your view without accusing.
- Take a Break if Needed: If emotions get too high, stepping back and revisiting the talk when calmer is oka.
- Practice Self-Awareness: Know your own triggers and reactions. Being aware can help you stay calm.
- Seek Common Ground: Find areas of agreement, which can help resolve conflict together.
- Reflect and Learn: After resolving the issue, consider what happened and what to do differently next time to keep calm.
Managing Emotions Effectively in Conflict
Recognizing Emotional Triggers
Understanding what triggers your emotions helps you manage them during conflicts and stressful situations. Triggers can be specific words, actions, or subtle cues like tone of voice or body language. Being aware of these triggers lets you prepare mentally and choose a more considered response rather than reacting instinctively. This self-awareness can prevent escalation and help keep the dialogue constructive.
Strategies to Diffuse Tension Quickly
When conflicts happen, it’s helpful to have ways to quickly ease tension. One approach is active listening, which means truly focusing on the other person’s words and showing empathy for their perspective. Using humor appropriately can lighten the mood and reduce hostility. Taking deep breaths and pausing before responding can also give you time to collect your thoughts and respond calmly.
Staying Grounded During Heated Moments
Staying grounded in conflict helps manage emotions and move toward a positive outcome. Techniques like deep breathing, mindfulness, or visualization can help keep you calm. Focus on resolving the issue constructively. Keeping your emotions in check can set a tone that encourages others to do the same, promoting a more productive and respectful conversation.
FAQs
How does self-awareness affect composure?
Self-awareness helps maintain composure during conflicts. Knowing your emotions, thoughts, and reactions helps you understand how you usually handle tough situations. This awareness lets you anticipate your impulses and take steps to manage them, like pausing before speaking or using strategies like deep breathing. Being self-aware helps you stay calm and respond thoughtfully, which is important for resolving conflicts. This mindful approach improves your composure and encourages others to stay calm and cooperative.
What techniques help leaders stay composed?
Great leaders maintain their composure in stressful situations using different methods. Emotional intelligence is important; this means being aware of their own feelings and understanding those of others. Leaders should listen actively, ensuring they understand their team’s concerns and views before answering. Focusing on solutions can reduce tension by shifting attention from the problem to possible answers. Reflecting after conflicts helps leaders learn what went well and what could be better, building strength for future challenges. Regular stress management, like mindfulness or exercise, also helps maintain calm under pressure.
How does body language show composure?
Body language is a helpful tool for showing composure in conflicts. Keeping eye contact shows confidence, while a relaxed posture indicates calmness and openness. Gestures should be controlled and avoid fidgeting to prevent appearing nervous or aggressive. Smiling can help put others at ease, showing you’re approachable and willing to engage. Using positive body language supports verbal messages of calmness and cooperation, helping to reduce tension and improve communication.
What are the long-term benefits of composure?
Staying calm in personal and work situations has many long-term benefits. One major benefit is better relationships; being calm during conflicts builds trust and respect, which can strengthen connections. Keeping calm also leads to better decision-making, as a clear mind can evaluate situations objectively and choose the best action. People who stay calm often experience less stress and anxiety, improving mental and physical health. At work, calmness can improve leadership and help with career growth, as others see calm individuals as reliable and capable under pressure.
Author of 31 books translated into over 50 languages, including best-sellers "The NEW Art of Managing People" and "The Platinum Rule," Dr. Alessandra helps organizations build stronger relationships with prospects, customers, and co-workers.
When not developing new assessment tools, Tony explores cutting-edge business communication trends. Connect with Dr. Alessandra on LinkedIn to learn how his innovative approaches can boost your team's performance.
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