Communicating through touch is something that both professional boundaries and advances in communication technologies are eliminating from our lives. Behavioral expert Steven Sisler discusses the important emotional framework behind touch and how this vital sense is still desperately needed — now, more than perhaps ever before.
What is Touch as a Form of Communication?
Touch is powerful. It can show care—a pat on the back, a guiding hand—or it can overwhelm. Ever hugged someone only to feel them stiffen? That’s touch too, but not the good kind. Trauma, context, mood—it all matters. Watch for subtle cues: a shift, a glance, a flinch. Touch isn’t always welcome. How do we know? We listen, we adapt.
The Role of Touch in Communication
The power of touch is something we are becoming less and less familiar with in this culture. Those who’ve taken the time to learn about and appreciate others are, more often than not, masters of touch.
Employers are disallowing personal touch in the workplace even though it’s oftentimes appropriate. People are more focused on being professional and less focused on being personal today. We are spending more and more time messaging electronically and less time engaging face-to-face as we are wired to do—we are hard-wired for deep connection. Many will email even though their receiver is in the cubicle next to them.
With the advent of the electronic message upon us, we are steadily moving away from the original instant messaging system—touching, feeling, and directly communicating through the human senses. This is going to backfire on all of us.
Always remember that we have nerve endings for two reasons—to feel pain and to experience comfort. Pain is good because it protects us from body damage, and comfort is good because it protects us from emotional damage. Understanding these signals also opens up better avenues of communication, helping us express what we’re feeling and respond more effectively to our physical and emotional needs.
How to Improve Your Communication Through Touch?
This hands-off mentality that’s been creeping into our society as of late is not only killing our children, it’s killing our employees in our companies as well. Too many people have bought into the idea that touching is somehow a new cultural taboo. Touching is not always optional; it’s essential to life, love, and healing. Without communicating through touch, life will have no meaning.
Ways to Improve Your Communication through Touch
Extend Your Handshakes
In American business, handshakes happen all the time. But have you ever thought about why they matter? Science shows touch builds trust, calms us, and even lowers stress. A handshake isn’t just polite—it’s powerful. Firm grip? Sure. But what about holding it just a second longer? Small gestures like these can leave a bigger impact than you think.
Start Discussions With Touch
Want people to cooperate more? Try touch. Studies, like one on NBA teams, show it boosts willingness to collaborate. A quick tap on the arm or a friendly pat—done naturally—can build a connection. It’s subtle, almost unnoticed, yet powerful. Next time you ask for help or share your perspective, consider it. Does it guarantee success? No. But it helps.
Give Massages to Strengthen and Deepen Bonds
“Marasmus” is the medical term for the destructive force that infants encounter when they are not given sufficient touch within the first few weeks of life. A small infant will die if the child does not receive the right amount of physical touch from its caregiver during this crucial period. This is true in every culture on every continent of the earth. People die for lack of touch.
Adjust the Type of Touch to Your Surroundings
Touch is tricky, isn’t it? Where it happens—like a quick pat on the back versus an unexpected hand on the shoulder—can shift how it’s received. Research by Peter Andersen confirms this. A touch too long? It might feel invasive. The sweet spot? Brief and on neutral areas like the arm or back. Simple, right? Yet, context changes everything.
Why Do Some People Touch When Talking?
Touch can be complicated. How it’s delivered—a brief tap on the arm or an uninvited hand on the shoulder—can completely shift its meaning. Timing matters, too. Too long? Awkward. Too short? Dismissive. Think of it like seasoning food; just enough makes it perfect, but overdo it, and it’s ruined. And then there’s context. A pat on the back? Encouraging. The same touch in a tense moment? Suddenly, it’s invasive. Fascinating, isn’t it?
FAQs
What is communication through touch called?
Haptic communication is non-verbal communication and interaction via the sense of touch. Touch can come in many different forms, some can promote physical and psychological well-being.
What is high-touch communication?
High-touch communication refers to interactions rich in personal presence and connection through physical touch. Think of a handshake—simple yet meaningful. But context matters. A casual hug can feel warm, or awkwardly misplaced. It’s all about balance, isn’t it?
How many types of touch are there in communication?
Touch in communication comes in many forms—professional, social, affectionate, playful, and even accidental. A firm handshake might signal confidence, but what about a playful nudge among friends? It’s fascinating, isn’t it? Each type carries its own meaning, shaped by context and intent. Sometimes, even a fleeting brush speaks volumes.
Why do I gesture so much when I talk?
Why do some people talk with their hands? Personality plays a big role. Extroverts, for instance, often gesture more. It’s their way of adding energy, like underlining words in bold. Does it always work? Maybe. But it grabs attention.
Author of 31 books translated into over 50 languages, including best-sellers "The NEW Art of Managing People" and "The Platinum Rule," Dr. Alessandra helps organizations build stronger relationships with prospects, customers, and co-workers.
When not developing new assessment tools, Tony explores cutting-edge business communication trends. Connect with Dr. Alessandra on LinkedIn to learn how his innovative approaches can boost your team's performance.
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